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Video instructions and help with filling out and completing Which 8850 Form Requirement

Instructions and Help about Which 8850 Form Requirement

Our world is fractured by an epidemic of loneliness and I'm not so worried about the stereotypical recluses and Hermits that we kind of tend to picture when we you know think of that word I am more worried about the vast majority of us in this room who are lonely and don't acknowledge it who may not even recognize it in our lives you know we often think I can't be lonely I know more people than I can keep in touch with and yet we report feeling largely unknown we know more people than any time in history and yet we feel very much like we have nobody to confide in our social networks just keep growing and growing and growing and yes so to to our doubts about whether we actually have a safety net and who would be in it should we need it modern-day loneliness is not because we need to interact more it's because we need more intimacy case in point I was one of my moments of loneliness I was actually hanging out with five of my closest friends and we had met on a weekly basis we had taken a few weeks off for the holiday vacation and we were coming back together and decided to go around the circle and each give a little update on what life had looked like in the last month and so when it got to the fourth person the one right before my turn she said something that reminded somebody of something they had read which reminded that person of something that their sister had said over the holiday and you know where this is going the train left the station and I had not shared and I remember thinking any minute now one of them is going to say oh wait we should get back to the sharing so we can hear about Shasta holiday nope and then somebody looked at her watch and said oh I didn't realize what time it was I need to go and I said oh they're gonna feel so bad when one of them realizes like wait we haven't heard from Shasta yet and they one-by-one hugged me and we all said goodbye and we left and I got in my car and I was driving away from time with friends and I had this little I don't know you have this I have a two-year-old bratty voice in my head she's got pigtails and she was like all huffy and puffy and was like I can't believe it seriously you're the one that's like facilitating the sharing time and then they don't even want to hear from you you need better friends I had friends my loneliness wasn't from lack of friendships my loneliness was because I didn't feel seen and French and Missy the closest relationship we have friendship intimacy is where two people both feel seen in a safe and satisfying way I did not feel that and I am not alone when I asked over six thousand people in the last couple of years how fulfilling are your friendships on a scale of one to ten with ten being the most satisfying how close do you feel with your friends think about that number for a second any on any of my surveys anywhere between 50 to 70 percent of us score of five or below we are not just leaning toward dissatisfaction with our closeness of our relationships we are two to four times more likely to put a 1 or 2 than we are to say we're fulfilled with a 9 or 10 this is a lot of relationship to satisfaction we are hungry for being close to each other and contrary to popular advice when this loneliness happens the answer is not go meet more people join a club make new friends the answer has actually learned how to develop better friendships the vast majority of us have never taken a class on how to build relationships and so I went and I compiled like when you look at all the social scientists and what they're studying when they look at what bonds any two people who we can fight in what makes two people best friends how what makes for a healthy marriage what builds trust three common denominators emerge and it's like a formula you have to have all three you can't just have two of them and so I want to unpack all three of these and I use what I call a friend to Missy triangle so we can see how they fit together and at the beginning of all of our relationships the first requirement is the letter P and that is positivity because how many of you will get this morning and thought I wish I just had a few more cranky whiny manipulative people in my life that made me feel like I was never doing enough when we want friendship we want the reward we want joy we want to feel good we want this comes from smiles and laughter kindness and acts of service and empathy and validation grant of gratitude affirmation all those things that leave us feeling accepted and let's be clear this does not mean we have to be Pollyanna we still get to cry on each other's shoulders and we still get to vent and complain but social science is telling us that every relationship to stay healthy has to have a ratio of 5 positive interactions for every negative interaction so that means for every withdrawal you're making from your whining and complaining you have to be making 5 deposits of joy and reward requirement for all healthy relationships the second requirement the letter C is consistency because we've all met people we enjoy and are positive and have fun being around but if we never saw them again that wasn't a friendship consistency is the.

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